Monday, May 14, 2012

Friendship, sisters, heartbreak

You were a person that I cared about deeply, I trusted you with all of my fears and secrets. Let you become a part of my family. You have betrayed me so many times that now I not only do not believe a word out of your mouth but I do not even expect you to try to regain my trust. You claim that I hurt you, that I lied and told others horrible things about you. It never happened, if you truly knew who I was as a person you would know better than that. I do still hold a place for you in my heart, I will always love you and will always care for you, but I just want you to know that before I will ever trust you again you have to prove to me that you deserve it. I am ill to the thought of you lying to me again. No more excuses, I don't want to hear it. Either suck it up and make the time to fix this or don't attempt to and back out. If you don't have the guts to confront me, why should I waist my time and energy to openly allow you to let me down yet again.

I do not want to look like a coward that will just allow you to treat me this way so this is my resignation, I no longer care what you do. If you want to be a part of my life, then do so. If you do not, that is just too bad. We had some amazing times together that I will never forget, but I am too old and too tiered to let this continue on. I have rescued you more times that I have ever helped myself, it is finally time that I do just that. I will miss the old you till the end of my days, but if this is who you are know I am better off.

Monday, December 5, 2011


I know that my entire life I have been told to appreciate my parents because some day the tables would turn and I would have to be there parent. I didn't think it would be so soon. I sit here and worry about them constantly. Are they eating healthy? Did they pay their bills?  Is it silly to be so worried for two perfectly capable adults... I'm only 22 years old. I should be out there having fun and making mistakes. Instead I am working 40 hours a week and living from Paycheck to Paycheck hoping that I can take care of myself and my family.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

My Best Friend

Today I lost the best-friend I have ever had. He never cared if I skipped a shower or wore the same clothed 3 days in a row. He always gave me hugs and kisses every time I saw him and he never cared when I had to leave, because he always knew that I would come back to him. He has been a big part of my life for the last 11-12 years and now he is gone... I will miss wrestling with him, and running through the neighborhood with him, and even walking through the neighborhood with slices of cheese to try and coax him home when he got off his leash... Earhardt you were the pest pet a person could ask for and I will miss you terribly... Thank you so much for being a part of my life, and a member of my family. You were such a tough guy... you survived a terrible bought of parvo, being starved and abandoned, being drug down a street by a truck, even being run over... It is sad to see you go, but I know that you are in a better place now... I guess this is my good bye letter, in some since your eulogy... I love you buddy and I always will have a place for you in my heart.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Anon- A work in progress

Please do not fret if I seem odd or out of place.
I have wished my way out of reality.

Who knows what will truly happen.
But here in the light of my mind the flowers are lovely, the breeze cool.
The comfort of only my own thoughts to keep me company, it is soothing.

Eating grapes off the wallpaper, pealing scabs off of the concrete
I think this place is getting to me....
Back to my own thoughts until the reality blurs into the dream.

Falling backwards into child hood... in my adult clothes
How funny I look... haha

Goodbye cold not so kind reality... I think I will stay at the tea party with the elves for now!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011


I have had someone in my life for a very very long time...
It has taken me forever to realize that she may have been bad for me to be around.
Not bad as in a bad influence, just bad for me.
I hate missing her, even though I feel better now than I have in a while.
Friends grow apart and I am no exception.
I have made new friends over the years and do not regret one thing I have ever done or said.
I would do the same all over again, but there is this part of me that still feels sorry, it feels sad and hurt. A part of me that wishes you would still call, or write, just send me something that shows me you still care.I know its selfish, but I want to know that as I sit and think about you that maybe you miss me too.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Slipping friends

Knowing what is happening to this relationship,
shouldn't I be sad.

I see you slipping away
    I just watch at a distance.
I was always your protector, your grasp into truth.

Now acting like those who hurt you, I have no emotion.

I did feel let down, but once I think it over
     you are the one who will regret

Sunday, June 19, 2011

What lonely feels like inside my head

The sounds of the night, 
ticking air conditioners, the hum of electronics.
the soft sweat purr of my Josephine.

Some days with you are pure heaven.
Some a drag through muck.

The strength of your eyes
The love in your arms. 
The hurt of your actions.

Your intentions confuse me. Strain me

I used to think I had it all figured out, 
now my over thinking complicates things.

When I think about it, 
I know I love you, my feelings are in a knot
When I finally have you,
should I be happy or angry.

I can't help but feel abandoned. 
Left at the mercy of my own crazed mind, 
naked in the recesses of my soul.

So at the nights end
I will do the same as I have the nights before.